"You must each make up your own mind as to how much you should give. Don't give reluctantly or in response to pressure. For God loves the person who gives cheerfully" (2 Corinthians 9:7 NLT), The Apostle Paul's admonition does not apply only to giving in church but is a timely reminder for every gift-giving occasion.
It seems that there is always a holiday or special day of observance that requires us to buy a gift for somebody. My husband, though a very generous man, says that it is a conspiracy of the floral industry. I have heard others say that it is a creation of retailers. Whoever can be blamed as the source, we still feel the pressure to buy a present for the targeted honoree. Now, before you label me a miser, read on. When I reviewed our spending recap one year and realized how much we spent on gifts, I decided that it's time to pare down the spending in this area. As I looked through the list of recipients, I realized that we had purchased some of the gifts reluctantly or in response to the expectations of others. Indeed, several of the wedding gifts were for people with whom we had no direct relationship. We had been sent an invitation because we were leaders, "highly visible", or presumed by someone to easily afford a gift. I know that many of you have found yourselves in this dilemma.
I remember a few years ago, I came out of the supermarket one night and was approached by two ladies who asked for directions to the nearest bus stop. Noticing all of the shopping bags that they were carrying, I was curious as to how far they had to go. When they told me their destination, I realized that it was not that far from my house and that it would be some time before a bus would be coming to the market bus stop. I silently prayed over whether to let complete strangers into my car. I finally felt at peace about it. I offered to take them home and they accepted with great delight.
I found out that they were both on vacation from Belise. I also learned that a majority of the bags belonged to just one of them. They represented gifts for the people back home. The shopping queen then began to complain about the fact that she "had to" buy all the presents or people would really be disappointed since she "always" bought gifts back from the United States. She confessed that she really couldn't afford them and was quiet distraught that she was forced to continue this costly financial habit. Further, she had spent a significant part of her vacation time looking for the gifts and was physically drained as a result. She had started to dread the annual vacation because of this. There was no cheerfulness in her giving. I spent the next 20-30 minutes advising her on ways to get off of this rollercoaster. Oddly enough, when I asked the other lady how she had managed to avoid this whole gift-giving burden, she simply said, "I just don't do it". I have seen so many people create a financial monster that they never have the courage to slay. I am not recommending stinginess. However, if you need to take control your finances, you must forge some brave, new disciplines. I know that for some people, especially those with a low self-evaluation, going cold turkey and just saying "no more" will be too much, so I'm recommending that all financially challenged folks start to buy smaller and different types of gifts. For example, in the instance of the Belize shopper above, I would suggest a postcard packet of Los Angeles's key sites rather than a t-shirt and cap.
Wedding presents for distant acquaintances could consist of a set of good quality white bath towels, sets of dish towels, a nice skillet or other useful, generic items purchased from a super discount or close out store. Forget about the bridal registry and the fancy place settings. This isn't mandatory. Also, forget about a cash gift. They won't guess that you only paid $10 for a $40 value; however, a $10 cash gift looks (and is) cheap. If you stick to something that is useful, it will still be appreciated. Also, do not try to deceive recipients by putting the gift in a fancy box from an upscale store. They may attempt to exchange it only to learn that it was not purchased there. Tacky, tacky, tacky!
Besides, what statement are you trying to make with your gift anyway? Think about this long and hard and be honest. Are you living a lie by implying that you can afford such generosity? Are you trying to gain the favor or loyalty of the recipient? Do you need to be reminded that favor comes from God and it's free? "For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield" (Psalms 5:12,).
When it comes to those special days of recognition, you do not always have to spend a lot of money. Look for pared down presents such as white handkerchiefs for men, movie tickets, a magazine subscription, nice stationery, note cards, a CD/DVD series that you taught, or a book. None of these gifts will send your budget spiraling out of control. In fact, I buy generic gifts (bath and body products, etc.), gifts bags, and an assortment of special occasion cards a couple of times during the year and keep them in a special drawer. If I discover that I have missed a birthday or someone (whom I inadvertently overlooked on my gift list) shows up at my home at Christmas time with a gift, I can assemble an inexpensive, thoughtful gift bag in minutes. It really is the thought--rather than the item--that counts. The important thing is that I remembered someone and went to some extra effort to let him know it. If a person can't appreciate a gift unless it expensive enough to put in escrow, then I would question the authenticity of that relationship.Spending on Christmas gifts seems to pose the greatest challenge-usually for no long-term benefit. For instance, what were the three most memorable gifts that you received for Christmas last year? Can't remember? I assure you that the people to whom you gave gifts will have the same problem recalling them. So, if the gifts are not that easily recalled why put yourself in the position of having to remember them each month when you make that credit card payment? Why give a gift that keeps on costing? Instead, give something simple from your heart. I was thrilled this past Christmas when a couple gave me a bag of personally concocted hot drink mix. They sealed it in a simple plastic storage bag and stuffed it in a gift bag with lots of tissue. It was so good that I coaxed them into giving me the recipe. I remember them every time I make the drink. If you have a large family (or other close knit group), consider pulling names and buying a gift only for the person whose name you pulled. Simply have each person drop into a container a piece of paper on which he has written his name and three gift options he'd like to receive--under a specified amount of money (which the entire group has agreed to). This will save you a lot of physical and financial wear and tear.
Now when you get to the point where your finances are stable, you have three to six-months of living expenses in the bank, no credit card debt, and have made the maximum contribution to your retirement plan, then give according to your ability and your desire-and do it cheerfully.
Have a great holiday and remember to give your best gift to the Savior!
About the Author
Deborah Pegues is an experienced certified public accountant, a Bible teacher, a speaker, and a certified behavioral consultant specializing in understanding personality temperaments. As well as the bestselling 30 Days to Taming Your Tongue (more than 375,000 sold), she has authored 30 Days to Taming Your Finances and 30 Days to Taming Your Stress. Deborah is an ordained minister and also holds a masters degree in business finance from the University of Southern California. She and her husband, Darnell, have been married for nearly 30 years and make their home in Los Angeles.
I found out that they were both on vacation from Belise. I also learned that a majority of the bags belonged to just one of them. They represented gifts for the people back home. The shopping queen then began to complain about the fact that she "had to" buy all the presents or people would really be disappointed since she "always" bought gifts back from the United States. She confessed that she really couldn't afford them and was quiet distraught that she was forced to continue this costly financial habit. Further, she had spent a significant part of her vacation time looking for the gifts and was physically drained as a result. She had started to dread the annual vacation because of this. There was no cheerfulness in her giving. I spent the next 20-30 minutes advising her on ways to get off of this rollercoaster. Oddly enough, when I asked the other lady how she had managed to avoid this whole gift-giving burden, she simply said, "I just don't do it".
When it comes to those special days of recognition, you do not always have to spend a lot of money. Look for pared down presents such as white handkerchiefs for men, movie tickets, a magazine subscription, nice stationery, note cards, a CD/DVD series that you taught, or a book. None of these gifts will send your budget spiraling out of control. In fact, I buy generic gifts (bath and body products, etc.), gifts bags, and an assortment of special occasion cards a couple of times during the year and keep them in a special drawer. If I discover that I have missed a birthday or someone (whom I inadvertently overlooked on my gift list) shows up at my home at Christmas time with a gift, I can assemble an inexpensive, thoughtful gift bag in minutes. It really is the thought--rather than the item--that counts. The important thing is that I remembered someone and went to some extra effort to let him know it. If a person can't appreciate a gift unless it expensive enough to put in escrow, then I would question the authenticity of that relationship.